Snow's Cheating Scandal
by NoThaTerrible
Summary: Serah and Noel go to an alternate universe where Snow cheats on Serah with both Caius and Lebreau.


I didn't think I'd find anyone better for me than Snow. I mean, Snow was perfect for me. He was a hero, he had angst, and he was good at sex, and I mean REALLY FUCKING GOOD. But now…I have to choose between him…and…

"Hey Serah," yelled a voice in the distance. I turned around and saw Noel running at me with some flowers in his hands.

"Noel!" I replied in glee, "What's up?"

"I saw these flowers over there and they reminded me of you. So…"

Noel didn't know what to say next, so I just took the flowers from his hand and smiled. They were Tulips, which I was deathly allergic to. I sniffed them…they smelled like someone took a shit and let it ferment in a piss bath. I looked back up at him and saw him scratching his head. He looked so cute right now.

"Hey, if we don't hurry up the time gate will close and we won't be able to save Snow," said Noel, turning to face the time gate.

I honestly didn't know how these time gates worked. Where did they come from? Why can only Noel and I use them? Why is Hope a raging homosexual? Why do I love both Snow and…

"Serah, look out!" shouted Noel, pushing me on the ground. A behemoth was about to swipe at my back. If Noel didn't push me down, I could've died.

"Serah, are you okay?" said Noel after killing the behemoth. He helped me up off the ground, and I wiped some dirt off of my pants.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine."

"You were almost a SERAH SANDWICH."

"I know, but I'm okay now."

"Thank God - I mean, Thank Etro," Noel blushed. He obviously had some deep, passionate, sexy feelings for me. I just knew it. But…what about Snow? Was I just supposed to abandon my fiancé? The one that risked his life to save me? The one with all the angst?

"Uh…Serah? The time gate?" said Noel. The time gate was about to close. Like, totally.

I, like, grabbed Noel's hand and ran for the time gate with him. We jumped inside and ended up…well…

"What the…where are we? This doesn't look like the Sunleth Waterscape?" said Noel, surveying the place we ended up in.

It appears the time gate accidentally took us to Snow's apartment. I'd only been here twice before, but it's a place that I would never forget. It was here when me and Snow lost our virginity.

"Huh?" said a voice from another room. I heard another person's footsteps travel across the apartment. The sound grew louder and louder until eventually…

"Serah?" said Snow, with a perplexed look on his face.

"Snow!" I shouted in happiness. I ran for Snow and gave him a great... big... hug.

"S-Serah," said Snow, shoving me away, "You're back early. And…you brought a friend?"

"It's me," said Noel, extending his arm to shake Snow's hand, "Noel? Noel Kreiss?"

"I've never seen you before," said Snow with a perplexed look. He then turned to face me and said, "I thought you were going to that parade with your sister."

"What parade?" I said, extremely confused at what Snow was talking about. Just then, I heard a voice call for Snow from another room.

"Snow, get back here hun! We're not done yet!"

My face turned pale almost instantly. Snow's face blushed a bit. Noel scratched his head again because he was a fucking idiot…but I still loved him.

"Who the hell is that?" I said in a calm tone.

"That's Lebreau. We've been having sex for the past week."

"W-WHAT!" I yelled, losing my cool, "YOU'RE FUCKING LEBREAU!"

Just then, Caius exited the bathroom, with no clothes on whatsoever.

"Dear God - I mean, Dear Etro," said Noel, shielding his eyes from Caius' hairy nuts.

"Ah, Noel," said Caius, strutting towards Noel, "You've finally arrived."

"What are you talking about?" said Noel, backing away from Caius.

"I altered the time gate you two entered so it would bring you to this alternate reality. In this reality, Cocoon never fell, and Serah never became a L'Cie."

"But why," I said, wiping tears from my eyes, "Why would you do this!"

"Because I wanted to have a five-some. Me, Snow, Lebreau, Serah, and Noel. Together, our sex would be powerful enough to save Yeul from dying."

"How the fuck does that work!" shouted Noel, "And please put on some fucking clothes!"

"It just does," said Caius, taking a seat on a nearby couch, "Don't question it."

"I don't know what the hell you guys are talking about," said Snow, truly dumbfounded at the conversation we just had, "But if you guys wanna have sex, then I'm all for it."

"Snow, how could you cheat on me!" I yelled, demanding answers.

"You just weren't putting out, Serah," said Snow, just telling it like it is, "I wasn't even planning on marrying you until Lightning told me that you were pregnant."

"What!" I said, "Why did Lightning tell you that!"

"Well I was wondering why you've been getting so fat lately, and Lightning said it was probably because you were pregnant."

"Y-you think I'm fat!"

"Honey, I THOUGHT you were fat. Now, you're obese. Just look at those fat rolls. Also, I don't date chicks with muffin tops."

I looked down and saw a layer of fat sticking out between my pants and my shirt.

"I'm not fat OR pregnant, asshole!" I said, slapping Snow across his face as hard as I could.

"OUCH!" cried Snow, clutching his face, "You made be bleed, you BITCH!"

"Hey now, break it up you two," said Noel, getting between me and Snow, "You guys are better than this."

"Dude, I don't even know who the fuck you are," said Snow, wiping some blood off his cheek, "Just get out of my house, and take your bitch with you."

Oh no he didn't. I wasn't about to just stand there and let Snow insult me. So I took out my bow and aimed an arrow right at Snow's face.

"H-hey! Woah, j-just wait a sec, Serah!" cried Snow, throwing his hands in the air, "You know I didn't mean it."

"Snow, what's the mother fucking hold up!" yelled Lebreau, stomping into the scene.

"Serah, what the fuck are you doing here!" cried Lebreau, "Put that shit down, you'll hurt someone!"

"I'm gonna fucking kill him!" I yelled, with a waterfall running down my face.

"Serah, that's a bit much," said Noel, trying to ease my anger, "just put down the bow so we can discuss this like adults, okay?"

"Noel," said Caius, "leave the girl alone. She is none of our concern."

"Then you shouldn't have brought us here, Caius! This is all your fault!" yelled Noel, taking out his sword, "You just HAD to ruin our lives!"

Caius pulled out an enormous purple sword from his ass and pressed the tip against Noel's chest.

"He who upsets the balance of time must pay with their pride," said Caius, trying to sound serious and melodramatic.

"What the fuck are you talking about!" said Noel, jumping away from Caius' blade, "Your words mean absolutely nothing! Stop trying to sound like what your saying is deep, because it just comes off as cheesy!"

"Goodbye Snow," I said, turning my attention back to the asshole at hand here, "We had a good run."

"Serah, no!" cried Snow, dropping to his knees, "I-I love you!"

Just then, my heart sank. He hit me where it hurt most: my feelings. He knew that I still loved him, and he used that to his advantage. How could I kill him after he just admitted his love, even if he didn't mean it?

"Let's get married, RIGHT NOW!" cried Snow, with tears running down his face, "I'm sorry what I did to you. Let me make it up."

I dropped my bow to the floor, and then I felt like my legs were going to collapse. My knees then suddenly fell to the floor and made a loud cracking noise when they hit the ground.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed with all my might. My knees shattered into thousands of pieces as they hit the floor.

"What the fuck just happened?" said Lebreau, shielding her ears from my cries.

"It looks like Serah's knees just shattered into thousands of pieces," said Noel, holstering his sword.

I was still screaming this entire time, but everyone seemed to tune out my shrieking.

"She looks like she's hurt," said Snow, as he stood up from the floor, "Maybe someone should help her."

"How?" said Noel, "She's the only one that knows the cure spell."

"You don't know the cure spell, Noel?" said Snow, crossing his arms.

"No, I only invested in the Commando and Ravager roles because the Medic role is for pussies."

Snow then frowned and lowered his head, "I'm not a pussy."

"Wait, you ACTUALLY invested points in the medic role?" said Noel, truly astonished.

"You're a medic! What a faggot, we are SO over," said Lebreau, gathering her clothes and leaving the apartment.

"Dude, why would you invest points in the medic role?" said Noel.

"BECAUSE I'M GAY, ALL RIGHT!" cried Snow, throwing his body onto the couch.

"That's all right, Snow," said Caius, taking a seat next to Snow, "I'm bi. We can date if you want."

"Wait a minute," said Noel, putting on his thinking cap, "If you're gay, then what were you doing sleeping with Lebreau just now?"

DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!

"I needed to make absolutely sure I was gay, so I decided to have sex with a chick one last time. My penis wouldn't get erect, so I knew that I had to be gay."

No one realized that I was slowly dying, because they were so enamored at Snow's revelation of his gayness.

"So…what do we do now?" said Noel to Caius, "Are you going to send us back to our normal timeline? Because, technically, none of this is real."

"It is real, in this dimension," said Caius, "In your dimension, this conversation we're having would not be taking place. But in this dimension, everything that is happening to you is real."

"So just send us back to our dimension and problem solved," said Noel.

"It's not that simple," said Caius, starting to masturbate on the couch out of boredom, "You see, once you enter this dimension, you can never escape."

"So...so that's it, huh?" said Noel, getting angry, "We're just trapped here now? What about you?"

"Oh, I'm not trapped because I'm the keeper of time and I can go anywhere I want," said Caius, still masturbating.

"This is bad," said Noel, pacing back and forth in the living room, "This is so bad."

"N-Noel," I whispered with what little breath I had, "D…d…doc…doctor."

"Doctor?" said Noel, taking a seat on the ground next t me, "You wanna see a doctor?"

I gently nodded my head.

"Wait," said Snow, standing up from the couch, "Allow me."

Snow threw a cure spell at Serah, instantly healing her broken knees.

"I-I'm all better!" I said, sitting upright, "Thank you, Snow."

"Don't mention it," said Snow, walking towards me to give me a hug. He wrapped his arms around me and stabbed me in the back of my neck with an ice pick.

He then whispered in my ear, "That's for threatening me, bitch."

I then fell back down to the ground and died. Blood poured out of my neck and stained the carpet. As my soul left my body, I could hear the three boys celebrating. They were happy that I finally died. I was happy too. Now I could haunt those three boys for the rest of their lives. Haha. Ahahahaha. !

OOOOOHH YEAH, this was going to be fucking awesome! HEHEHE!

THE END


End file.
